In The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World, Dr. Anthony Rao explores and explains a wide variety of challenges that face both boys and parents in today’s social and emotional arenas.  Dr. Rao uses actual examples from his practice to help us sort through many of the issues we tackle as parents and how to help our boys survive our world’s expectations.  Throughout the pages he reiterates the disparity of society’s view on how a boy is supposed to be versus how he is actually wired to be.  He does a fabulous job of providing parents with ways to deal with behavioral and social issues as well as providing us with a litany of things to do and research before committing to medicating a child with special needs or diagnoses.  This is a book you will read cover to cover and definitely refer to as you look for answers and suggestions for raising your young boy.  You will appreciate Dr. Rao’s use of everyday language as he addresses everyday issues.  Any parent could make great use of his ideas for tacking specific issues as well as his general advice for steering our boys in and acceptable ands appropriate direction.  Note: I especially enjoyed how Dr. Rao provided us with follow up information on how his clients grew up.  It’s interesting to read what his former young male clients and their parents have to say after years of using his help.

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With all the marvelous texting, emailing, posting, and blogging we have nowadays, do our children even know what a written letter is?  Remember?  The act of putting pen to paper then having it delivered (not instantly) to the patient recipient on the other side?  This dying art is actually a great way to encourage and improve your son's reading and writing skills.  Try this fun idea: set up a mini-mailing system at home where you can slip each other short letters and notes!

Step One:
Make this a crafting project too.  Use shoe boxes or any other receptacle that may work (e.g. tupperware, flower pot, etc.), and decorate/personalize it.  You can also help your son cut a slit in the box to resemble a mail slot.  It's also fun to write each person's name and address on their mailboxes. 

Step Two:
Place the mailbox in an obvious place, like outside their room or designate a spot in the family room as the 'family mail center'. 

Step Three:
Write your son short notes and letters and encourage a response with it.  You can do this once a day, once a week, whatever suits your family's pace.  Some good times to jot something down for him - before you leave for work, before you leave for the night and he'll be with a babysitter, before he goes to bed, after he goes to bed so he may get the letter in the morning. 

Here is an example:

"Dear Owen,
How was your day at school?  What did you do at recess today?  Did you like the book Mrs. C. read you this afternoon?  Jane will be here to babysit you until dinner; I hope you have fun hanging out with her and I will see you at dinner.  I thought we can play a fun board game tonight before you go to bed!  I'm thinking Snakes and Ladders!
Love, Mom"

Try to keep the language simple, but don't worry about the vocabulary too much.  Your son will understand the gist of the letter even when he is not familiar with a few words in it.  You, other family members, or a babysitter can also help him with the harder words.

This activity is really great because it only takes a few minutes to write a short letter, but it it can also be a very effective way to engage your son while making reading and writing fun for him.  It makes reading and writing a part of everyday life and can hold his interest because it's an outlet for expressing his thoughts.  Some boys have a difficult time processing events and thoughts into cohesive, written sentences so this is good practice (and you can help guide him by asking questions).  He might also really enjoy this special communication with you; it is a little harder for boys to verbalize their feelings and emotions and writing these letters can also help him understand and communicate these feelings. 

Other tips:
It can be fun to encourage siblings to write each other short letters too.

You can also slip short notes or letters into your son's lunch box. 

He might become interested in writing letters to other people like teachers, friends, and relatives.  You can use this opportunity to teach him about the mailing system and bring him along on your next trip to the post office. 

Encourage him to also draw pictures for the mailbox if he is ever having trouble finding something to write about.

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There is no disputing the fact that it is important to be actively involved in your son’s life.

You try to help him out with homework, you get to know his friends, and expose him to new hobbies and extracurricular activities.  But where do we draw the line?

Do you drive your child to school rather than letting him walk three blocks by himself?

Do you call your son’s teacher to protest his math grade?

Do you ban your son from trick-or-treating for he might be kidnapped or poisoned by candy from a stranger?

If these restrictions sound outrageous to you, that’s a good sign.  If not, you may be part of the group of Americans fondly referred to as “helicopter parents” – those who have a constant urge to “hover” over their children.  And believe it or not, the examples I just mentioned are some of the more reasonable ones  (think parents demanding that nursery schools offer Mandarin in order to prepare their children for the competition of the global economy– makes driving your son to school seem tame, huh?)  Just take a look at some of these scary statistics:

• Since the 90’s, the percentage of kids walking or biking to school dropped from 41% in 1969 to 13% in 2001.
• Death by injury has dropped more than 50% since 1980, yet parents lobbied to take the jungle gyms out of playgrounds, and strollers suddenly needed the warning label "Remove Child Before Folding."
• Among 6-to-8-year-olds, free playtime dropped 25% from 1981 to '97, and homework more than doubled. (“The Backlash Against Overparenting”, NY Times, Nov., 2009)

It’s one thing to make sure that your son wears a seatbelt, a helmet, and gets all of his shots – but it’s something completely different to try to control every aspect of his life.  After all, the way kids learn is often by failing.

Although it is never easy to watch your child struggle, think about it…who is really afraid of failing?  The answer: parents.  If you constantly hold your son back, how can he ever mature and move forward?  This over-parenting has become especially problematic for college kids who have been hovered over all their lives – they have little to no sense of independence and it actually hinders their ability to succeed in school and, more importantly, life.

Instead of giving in to the notion that an array of extra-curricular activities will benefit your son, why not cut back on the strict schedule and let your child be…bored!  No, you didn’t read that wrong.  I know just hearing that word conjures up that whiny voice that they use when kids complain to their parents of their unbearable boredom.   Truly, though, having free time is healthy for both you and your son.  It will allow them the time they need to play with toys, make up games, and use their imaginations.  Try it!

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Skiing and snowboarding trips are a great family getaway, but downhill sports are intense and requires a little extra attention to ensure your little human's saftey on the slopes.   Having the right equipment and being well-prepared will make the sport more enjoyable for kids, and let the parents have a more relaxed time.

Equipment:
Finding both the correct equipment and fit is essential to your child's enjoyment as well as his safety.  With so many styles, it can become overwhelming, so always turn to a professional in a pro-shop for guidance.  Plus, (not to undermine your coolness level) if your son is in love with a cool-looking equipment that might not be the best fit for him, he might be more willing to change his mind and listen to the seasoned snowboarder/skier at the shop and look at other recommended options. 

For little skiers, it is important to have a proper boot fitting.  Kids have flatter feet than adults, making it harder to size them for boots, so it's a good idea to have an expert help you find the right ones.  For little snowboarders, usually height and riding style(stance, left-handed, right handed) is taken into account so your helping expert should be asking your kid these questions. 

A helmet will keep your kid protected and warm.  It should rest just above the eyebrows so the forehead is also protected, and the straps should be snug under the chin.  Goggles are always a good idea - it will protect the eyes and reduce the glare off the snow, making it easier to see. 

Attire:
Layering is the best way to stay dry and warm.  The first layer should be a "breathable" or "wicking" fabric that can pull moisture away from the skin to keep it dry.  Don't use cotton as a first layer since it can soak up moisture and get very cold.  It's a good idea to layer only with clothing made specifically for winter sports because they are covered by a waterproof shell which can also help keep the skin dry. 

Other Prep Work:
The solar glare off the snow can cause serious sunburns, especially with children because they have more sensitive skin.  Use skin and lip protection in a high SPF.  Having lotion on hand and applying it throughout the day will also help reduce painful windburns.

Skiing and snowboarding are intense sports, so make sure you all have a hearty, healthy meal before hitting the slopes.  People often underestimate how much you sweat because you are in the cold, so remind your little ones to hydrate regularly.

If your kid is new to the sport, you should take advantage of the lessons available at the slopes.  You may be a seasoned skier or snowboarder, but a ski or snowboard instructor is uniquely qualified so they will definitely cover all the bases on safety and responsibility.  Raising awareness for safety and responsibility codes to your little one, will make it safer for them, as well as other skiers and snowboarders, on the slope.

Just a reminder, cell phone often don't work very well on trails.  If you have an older kid who wants to separate from you, make sure he has a map and watch and that you have a meeting spot at a specific time.  Some families invest in a two-way radio.

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With Valentines just passed, and all the long weekend excitement starting to settle down...Moms, why not go on a date with your special little guy?  Plan something special for him: lunch and movie, an afternoon in the arcade, a picnic in the park, or even just a short visit to a coffee shop for hot chocolate and donuts, to let him know that he's your little Valentine.  Please, don't be put off by the eye-rolling or bashful "nooOOOooo"s , you will both have oodles of fun and it's such a great way for the both of you to just enjoy each others company. 

Other than being a great way to bond and spend time together, mom-son dates can do a lot for your son's development emotionally and socially.  Children who are quiet, especially those with older, chatty siblings, will have the chance to try out their own words and expressing themselves (without the eager help of their big sis or bro to finish their sentences).  Talking becomes much less intimidating when you're one-on-one with mom, making it much easier to come out of a shell.  And if you have more than one kiddo, it's also a rare opportunity for you to have this one-on-one time.  Mothers with more than one children can at times feel guilty about not having enough time or attention to go around all the time, and setting aside the time and getting out of the house for this date is a nice way to get back in touch with your kids.  Plan a date with each kid, and include him in the planning to get him excited!

If you find the stress and frustration level rising at home, with your son being crabbier than usual, take him out on a date.  Mom-son dates are also a great stress and anxiety-reliever, for both you and your son.  He gets an opportunity to express or explore what is troubling him with you outside of the usual environment and you get to re-assure him it's not the end of the world and shower him with your affections.  You will both come home more relaxed and happy.  These dates are a great habit to develop because it reminds you to take time out for your loved ones in your busy life.  I know grown men who still go on these mom-son dates (my boyfriend is one and he goes out for coffee or lunch with his mom at least once a month) and I think it's wonderful.  Call me crazy, but I find these men to be more communicative with, and less intimidated by, women, and they will absolutely hold the door and pull out chairs. 

With boys that are a little older and are surrounded and pummeled with the "boy culture" at school and with friends, mom-son dates can help him balance that out.  Taking time with him, talking and listening, on these outings will allow him a space to express his feelings and sensitive side.  Who knows - maybe your tween guy will remember how to use words again and venture beyond the usual monosyllable grunts.  Little humans always grow up too fast, and you might learn something new about each other every time you go on a mom-son date.

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